A Crow Left of the Murder

http://s58.photobucket.com/albums/g256/dversouri/summer%2008/?albumview=slideshow

shes kinda cute, when she isnt squeaky :P

http://s58.photobucket.com/albums/g256/dversouri/

finally dumped a bunch of my camera stuff up there. havent commented or sorted a lot of it, but its there if anyone wants to take a look. and heads up on the baby pics, there is a subsection for the actual cesarian. i snapped a couple good wound shots just for you menchi, but other people may not want to see emilys guts, so its marked heads up.

rawr! whose your daddy now bitch?

:D

april 2nd, 2008, 8:17 am, 6 pounds 6 and a half ounces, 19.5 inches tall, apgar of 9 and 9, ten fingers ten toes, strong healthy and coordinated, with a full head of hair, Matilda Tira Aguilera was born in waimea, big island hawaii.

shes really cute, but i cant find my freaking camera cord anywhere so pics will be coming when i find one or a card reader.

We're having a baby girl! :D

Still workin on names. 'Ahna Purpose' briefly considered lolol.

Will post more later keke la~~~~~~

so, ill have to post pics in a while, but there is much awesomeness in our front room atm.

Em caught a scorpion at work, and brought it home. we named him fankriss, and the little dude is a badass.

the first night we went bug hunting out in the yard, and caught him a roach about the same size as his body. we dropped it in with him and he promptly grabbed the lil guy, picked him up over his head and stung the shit out of him... and shortly therafter ate off his face. the next morning the entire roach was gone and our lil scorp was significantly fatter.

today we got him a real terrerium, dirt, a couple rocks to dance on and climb under, and some crickets... and so far hes one happy camper. he gets super tiny and flat when hes sleeping, and about doubles in size when he is up and romping around... all kinds of win.

so yeah. more to come.

BEING SO LEET!!!

what the fuck!?!?!

i just got a spam email thats title was [WARNING! THIS IS SPAM!!!].

errrrr. thx. DELETED FOREVAR

stable nets inc in 2 days.



hi

( Solitary )

crossed the rubicon?

i can live with that.

( Standing )

god im a wreck... cant stop thinking of em.

i drove up to sacramento the other day, as part of a business trip... this gave me two or three hours in each direction to sit and do nothing but think. normally i would play music for such a trip, and kill alot of the time singing along and just generally killing time. not so much on this drive. i left the house, and texted her letting her know i was on the road, and would be for a considerable amount of time.

I then spent literallly the entire trip up there absolutely lost in thoughts regarding her and i. I terribly want to share my favorite things in life with her, to take her to the places that hold special meaning or experience to my life, to tell her of the things i love and introduce her to the people i know. i want to love her, cuddle her, and fuck her for all im worth. i never thought i would find a girl that fit so well with my personality, desires, goals, and dreams. I love her with a passion i didnt think i could feel, and gods its fucking wonderful. The intensity of my feelings regarding her is both unsettling and awesome.

i guess in the past ive felt like i needed to keep parts of myself in check, to change myself just a little bit, in one way or another to fit the given circumstance. Not feeling that way is nothing short of HIGH FIVE! YEAH! but seriously, im crazy for this girl, and loving every minute of it. i dont think ive ever let anyone quite so deeply past my guard so quickly. sure, its one hell of a risk i suppose, but i trust her and her intentions. i look forward to what the future may hold, and hope that shes by my side for the wild ride im sure it will be. i thank my lucky stars shes as into me as i am into her.

thank you verizon, for losing money on keeping me in touch with my girl.


gods this girl knows what to say to a guy. she says the sweetest things. now that i cant think or function, ill maybe write more later.


note to self, THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES~1!!!11!11eleven!`~eleventyone!!!! was the thing i was thinking of the other day when posting.

I dont touch the ground anymore.

music is a pretty integral and vital part of my life. i associate it with times and feelings. sometimes the lyrics reflect my feelings, sometimes they have absolutely no bearing... just a song ive heard when ive felt a certain way.

shuffle

where is my mind? - pixies (has no relevance to the burnout. actually is the emotional culmination of probably the best trip in my life, 2am on our last night there, surrounded by friends in an irish pub in toronto, busy being a happy fool)

And now for something completely different...

One year ago I was pretty burned out. Had a hard time feeling anything, or giving a rats ass about anything i did. a few years back i sat and talked with a friend of mine about life in general, and he shared with me part of his philosophy. he would ask himself "what is holding me back?" and then work his ass off hell or high water to change whatever it might be. that drive has gotten him incredibly far from his beginnings. i feel pretty confident that he will continue to be successful, and that he is capable of incredible things.

shelf in the room - days of the new

2006 has seen the end to many chapters of my life, and the end to a lot of things that were holding me back. I made it out tho. I found my feet, and kept moving forward. Being out on my own and absolutely in charge of and responsible for every aspect of my own life was some shit i seriously needed.

i wish i had an angel - nightwish

I didnt get very far before i ran into the proverbial end of a leash i didnt know still existed. Or maybe i was aware of it but had denied it for so long that i was no longer actively aware of it. In my proverbial emotional wastelands, i turned back to the past.

So many fucking years later, and i still wasnt over my first girlfriend. Emily Elizabeth Enns. One of my closest friends, a person i had no guard against, and one of the two people able to evoke an emotional response in me at the time. I decided i wanted to see if i could win her heart as i had so many years before, but somewhere along the way came to realize that nothing had changed since we broke up. She was still the same, eternally indecisive about what she wanted and willing to put off making any decisions for as long as possible. And hanging around in limbo is a shitty place to be. So i finally did it. It was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do, but I told her that i could no longer be a part of her life.

I could no longer abide eternally waiting around for her call, dropping anything at a moments notice and putting my life on hold at her whim. That sort of thing is not cool in the slightest, if its a one way street. it just dont work that way. She tried contacting me the other day, for the first time since all that shit went down. Said she was dreaming of me, and was worried about me since she hasnt heard from me in so long. A year ago, the slightest bit of attention would have kept me waiting and hoping. a year ago, i might have cared. I am so fucking done with that shit. That realization that she didnt have a hold on me, finally, after so fucking long, was one of the more liberating experiences of my life. Chapter closed.

I once wrote that i define my life by the girls in it. if you asked me about my past, i would have started with emily enns. perspective is good shit to have... and a healthy dose of that has changed how i define my life. i no longer define myself that way.

so what am i now? how have i gotten to this place, to be the person i am today? with a little help from my friends.

princes of the universe - queen

so was out on my own, renting a room from chelle, surrounded by (but thx fucking god not a part of) a shitstorm of drama with both my brothers and the licon's. shit went down, lives got shuffled... shit happens to people. some move on from their sticky situations, and some wallow in it. I could have gotten stuck there, tangled in that minefield clusterfuck waiting to happen. that could have been something that held me back. My brother may have taken some shrapnel in the leg so to speak, but we got out and got a place that im all too happy to call home. it certainly aint shiny and new, but its my fucking empire and im proud of it. we built this home on rock and roll. XD

diy - kmfdm

so what now bitch, what now?!? whats holding me back? what do i want, and what do i need? what goal is in my sights? quo fucking vadimus?

i think i finally got to a point where i was just spinning my wheels. i was living from one check to a next, enjoying life plenty, but with no room for change and no room for error. if murphy got a hard on for fucking with me, i would might have ended up in a bad way. so THERE was something holding me back. no longer.

futures - jimmy eat world

2007 is off to one hell of a start.

Im falling madly in love with a girl i didnt think could exist, im closer than ever to my friends (even the really far away ones!), and i love my life with a passion. Hot on the heels of all that, I finally lvl'd up to jorb(rank 2). Double the pay, more consistent hours with full weekends off, insurance, and mad benefits and perks. talk about over fucking powered. It makes me learn, it makes me think, and it expands my skillset pretty nicely. It also coincidentally places the more important parts of my life so easily within my grasp that i cannot believe how fucking lucky i am. seriously, someone fucking pinch me already. shit this good just doesnt happen, and everything has been falling into place perfectly.

So yeah, about that whole falling head over heels for a girl thing.

Emily Teeter. (everlong - foo fighters) I guess its somewhat relevant that all my associations with the name emily are now solidly tied to an amazing young lady whom i spend just about every waking moment i possibly can talking to her.

How to describe her..... She is an incredibly intelligent, funny as hell, punk rock girl, gamer, well read, smoking hot, a mother, a lover (inertia creeps - massive attack), and a fighter. Shes got a healthy respect for the outdoors, good taste in music, a vocabulary to both impress a scholar and to make a sailor blush, a sense of humor that perfectly matches and compliments my own, and for some strange reason she is often reduced to a giggly happy mess around me (and yes, vice versa, but none of you would know anything about that... ahem. yes. move along). We have an uncanny ability to finish one anothers thoughts, and this sweet girl shares a passion for so many of the things that i love that its almost, -almost- scary. She is open as hell about all aspects of her life with me, and inspires the same in me. She's shiny.(under heaven's skies - collective soul) I very much want to continue to be a part of her life, and to keep her in mine.

So whats holding me back? 3,000 miles of the gorram deep blue. yeah, here's a little fun fact.

Minutes Used
Peak 70
Off Peak 24
Weekend 28
IN Calling 399
IN Calling Off Peak 2,749

thats the last 2.5 weeks or so.
soooo not a one way street.
thank the heavens for verizon in calling.

Ive been losing sleep consistently for so long i dont remember what a full nights rest is anymore, and i love every minute of it.

so whats holding me back? an ocean? fuck that noise.

what will i do to get to where i want to be (by her side)? everything.

(darkangel - vnv nation)

gods life is good. (Lazy - X.Press 2 Featuring David Byrne (so true, and so good.))

I was going to write more, but this wonderful yound lady just distracted me terribly. if i ever reclaim that train of thought, i may just write more.

Managed a little better this morning. finally crashed around 4am after main tanking Hellfire Citadel... gd warr wouldnt put on a fucking shield. good thing its T or i woulda cut some bitches.

anyways. woke up bout 5 minutes before my alarm went off, and went to take a nice warm shower. for some reason, the best my shower could manage with only the hot faucet turned on was on the cool side of lukewarm. grrrr. well, brrrrrrr is more like it.

music is good... i decided i wanted to take some in to work today. realized ive been listening to mezzanine since toronto. anyhoo, brought that, apocalyptica, and requiem for a dream. faraway makes me think of the trips we take, and how i dont want to lose how they make me feel.

gah, need to run to peak now. more later?

The burning crusade? or to be continued?

Grawr.

Today got off on the wrong foot... considering i rolled over, all warm and comfy in my covers, looked at the clock and saw that it was 10:22.

Yeah.... i open shop at 9:55. Not so good. It took me a grand total of about 85 seconds to go from horizontal and happy to holycrapdressedandoutthedooranddown3flightsofstairsandintomyfreezingcar.
Thankfully, i hit every green light, and got to work by about 10:30. My boss suprisingly wasnt there, so i was almost in the clear, but alas his father in law was waiting outside. At least there werent any customers or phone calls waiting =/

work was actually pretty uneventful, just the standard stuff. cleaning up virus' and popups... some people really really fail at the internet. there is this one young girl who is the daughter of one of our neighboring business owners, who likes peer to peer pr0n and music, and leaves her system on 24/7 with no protection of any sort on it. (insert ascii headache guy here) >.<

built about 20 more linux systems for the internet archive (www.archive.org) which i think are going to be part of their Scribe project in egypt, so thats kinda cool.

having lots of virus cleanup jobs at once is really a mixed blessing. ive written a cd that practically runs itself so once i take up all the work benches and kvm switches, and pop this cd in, i basically zone out and wander around waiting for the systems to finish. its nice to have time to just think about random shit, and muse, but it really gets me antsy to get out of work early. just one mad rollercoaster, i guess. i find myself missing friends, wanting to feel alive and crazy, or wanting to put on good music and rock out. i got to talk to emb today, even tho there was a customer in the shop. i knew it was getting close to her lunch and was kinda worried i wouldnt be able to answer my phone while she was on break. i find myself stupidly happy ^.^; whenever she calls, which has surprisingly been every gd day, lunch, break, and after work. why the fuck would anyone want to talk to me? -.- But whatever, its all good! :D :D :D

anyhoo. accepted my new job officially today. work out the transition period and all the details tomorrow. I think i have made every effort in my power to be fair to my current boss and im feeling good about this decision... so now we shall see what the future brings!

boss left early today so just been killing time on teh intarweb while doing virus cleanups and prepping the aria's for shipping. think ill bounce in about 15 mins, and see if frys has guitar hero 2 compatible guitars on the way home. at least one. please? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THATS HOLY! must.... rock... out!

ps. what has teh intertube taught me today?
the meaning of quixotic, which is probably now one of my new favorite words.

much with the <3.

we're all a bit wonky in our own ways, but i think we all fit well together ~.~

thank you for being a friend, for letting me be a part of your life, for being a part of mine, for everything. for the memories, the good times, the bad, the moments that leave you wondering WTF?!?!?!?! thank you for sharing the times that you want to curl up and die, the times you laugh until your sides hurt and you cant stand, the times that make you feel unstoppable and awesome, the times that rip your heart out, the times that fly, and the times that leave you passed the fuck out. thank you for the times that leave you suffering from sleep dep, weary yet happy.

------------

a guy i respect a lot told me 'you are who you know.' i thought about it for a while, and at first i strongly disagreed with the idea. but now im not so sure.

If i am who i know, then i am one hell of an awesome guy. The people i choose to have in my life, to call my friends are nothing short of wonderful, exceptional people that stand above all others in some regard. Im truly grateful to have awesome friends.

so.

Who am i?

Who are you?

A year ago, my answers to either would have probably been pretty fucking terse.
With another year past, im older, not neccessarily wiser, and overall a hell of a lot happier.

I can say so much more, about both questions - and For that, I thank you all.

Much love to each of you.

You are my friends.

Back from an awesome vacation! more food for thought later. in the meantime, i posit this hypothetical scenario! please respond with your thoughts or suggestions.

Say you've been working a job for 3 years, the work is monotous, easy and very
low stress. There are no insurance or benefits provided by said job. You most
commonly work 9+ hour days and you work 6 days a week. Lets say you like your boss,
and are grateful for the work and the environment that your boss provides you. In
those three years you have only had a raise of 1 dollar/hour. Now lets say right
before you go on your first big vacation in those 3 years, your boss calls you
and gives you a raise of another dollar/hour.

Now, your boss has an acquaintance who is the entirety of the IT department of
another longstanding successful company. Said acquaintance needs extra help at his
place of work. Now say your boss works out a deal where -you- work at said
acquaintances place of work for a set amount of hours per week, for a bit higher than
normal rate of pay.

Say you've been doing this for about a month now, and you work well with said
acquaintance. Your work there is more challenging, and more fun, but less self governed.
While you are on aforementioned vacation, said acquaintance approaches the president of
his company. As a result of said meeting, when you return from vacation, the president
offers you a full time position, 40 hours a week, mon-fri with regular hours. Full medical,
dental,and more than double your normal wages. the new job probably has a high probability
of deadlines and stress. but you also enjoy the work more.

Is it wrong to take the offer? Is there a way to accept the new job without fucking
over your current employer, who has no other skilled, intelligent, self-sufficient
employees? Is there a way to accept the offer and maintain good relations so as to
have a fall back position if you were ever to need it?

What would you do?

Its been a while since a piece of hardware has given me a hardon.

then again, you have no fucking idea how fucking awesome this keyboard is.

Eric and I each just got a Logitech G15 from newegg. Dear lord. This thing has a flip up backlit lcd with a stupid amount of features built into it, such as music controls/song display/timer etc, clocks, stopwatch, cpu/mem usage, ammo counts, and a whole shitton of other things. it has 18 'g' buttons arranged in a grid of 3 sets of 6 on the far left to balance out the numpad on the right. each of those 18 buttons allows you to setup a custom macro of commands each can issue in groups or singly, and it has 3 presets (so 18 macros x 3) that you can switch on the fly. the entire board is backlit in my favorite color of blue, and is fucking awesome for typing in the dark. the thing is about as symmetrical as it can get with the wide variety of features built into it, and its a good 20% larger than my previous one (which is kinda qq). It has cable channels built into the bottom of it, to route your mouse, headphones, speakers, whatever else you need completely out of the way without making the keyboard woobly. It has a USB port on each side of the main console as well, for thumbdrives, mouse, etc. this thing is so fucking pro.

ill post pics asap.

kay, im done geeking out. dont give me any shit, its been a while :P

Got a call from one of the coolest people ive had the pleasure of talking to in ages on tuesday, spent around two and a half hours on the phone with her. Wish she didnt live in hawaii ><. I think the most ive heard from her previously was strings of four or five four to five letter words artfully worked that could make a sailor blush. Really look forward to hangin out with her at some point. I dont consider myself the easiest person to talk to, and usually not at all comfortable talking to people i hardly know, but talking to her was hella fun and a lot more comfortable than i thought it would be. Weird stuff, that whole communication thing.

Man i suck at it. And i guess thats why i picked my job and major. Personally, id say im terrible at communication, but i like making it possible for others. hence the whole MIS sorta stuff, and it ties into my whole voip management im getting into.

Been thinking quite a bit, about this whole life thing. The point of it all, and such. Where am I going, how, why and all that. I often wonder why people choose certain paths in life, and decided to ramble on a bit here about said thoughts.

I never really spend time planning out my future. I take things as they come, and function well enough through all the random twists and turns of life. The most I ever look ahead and plan for is maybe a month ahead, aside from random craziness like the maleficient gathering, or yoscillations. That being said, my life has gotten me to a pretty decent place. I have a place thats too large for me to fill up, friends i wouldnt trade for the world, a guitar to play, an ever growing collection of music, a car that isnt about to break down (other than its semi melted clutch), a steady job that i somewhat enjoy, food on my plate, and a roof over my head.

So where am I headed from here? I'm happy. That's all I've really aimed for.

<- was just mad derailed by friends in my kitchen. I guess ill continue on this vein another time.

Nother week and a half, and i start the journey towards the next three things i want. A super nice bed, a motorcycle, a sailboat, then maybe an Island. Might take me a while, but itll sure be fun getting there.

So yeah, havent been around as much (not that i ever was in the first place) but all kindsa stuff has happened of late.

Got a new apartment, 2br 1 bath, decent kitchen, huge living room, and far more space than i know what to do with. We had a lil house warming get together the other day, it was Tz, gez, kevr0n, matt, eric, lillian and i. were still short some furniture, but managed to have a good time with pizzas, drinks, and videogames... from good ol classics like vampire night, to WoW ;)

maybe ill ninja erics camera later and post some pics of the place.

My Personality

Neuroticism	16
Extraversion	43
Openness To Experience	59
Agreeableness	49
Conscientiousness	51

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Bebo, MySpace Codes and hi5 by Pulseware Survey Software

pretty decently accurate.